The last time that I last saw my old pal and BFF, Arafat Kazi 
, was way back September-way. That particular trip was total shite, but me and Kazi had us some good times– bumming around Harvard Square at midnight & road-runnering up from Boston on 1A and Route 128 to Salem and Gloucester. His countrywoman, the ever lovely Jisha, accompanied us as we toured a crummy Wax Museum. With the advent of night, a natural fear of vampires forced our return to the state capital, where Arafat’s mother offered me some of her famous tea and sympathy. It was enough to cause a massive emotional panic; it had become too much, too familiar. Too many choking old memories. I bid my Banglaboy goodbye and fled down Burbank-street. Desperate, totally desperate, to get out of Boston.
How reassuring that, apparently, some things never change.
Now Kazi’s back in Bangladesh and I’m here in Hollywood. There is a near-daily exchange of emails that pledge our undying fraternal love. He can come on heavy with his Muslim public/private opprobrium regarding my life choices, but still. I miss my monster.
This longing got me Googling-oogling, and I discovered remnants of the days of future past, when Arafat was an undergraduate at Boston University and a columnist for the student newspaper, The Daily Free Press. It’s hard to imagine what possessed the editorial body– boredom, probably– to print Kazi’s dirty filth on their clean pages, but for several months, the man wrote weekly under the heading of “300 Pounds and Rising.”
Amazingly, these articles remain available. To shame Arafat Kazi for a period of indefinite duration, I offer links to each and every one. Salaam, Arafat-bhai, and give my regards to Auntie:
September 8th, 2003 – The American Way and a third of the world
September 15th, 2003 – Downloading tips and tricks for the Pope
September 22nd, 2003 – Stars and stripes: an exposé
September 29th, 2003 – Don’t Be Hating the Fat Kids (*)
October 6th, 2003 – The Perfection Solution to the Crappy Day
October 20th, 2003 – Whetted by the American Dream
October 27th, 2003 – The lonely path of the frotteur
November 3rd, 2003 – All that glitters is not Goldin
November 10th, 2003 – Mindless drones: come to me
November 24th, 2003 – Don’t Welsh on me, homophobes
December 1st, 2003 – Hope for more than a Lindt truffle
December 8th, 2003 – A life in the life of a BU lifer
(*) To Arafat’s lasting horror, the 9/29/03 column, “Don’t Be Hating the Fat Kids,” which he considers best amongst the lot, was co-authored by yours truly. This was done to expedite matters– I needed Arafat out of my apartment, but the column was overdue. I pushed him away from my computer and did the second half in about five minutes. For the record, my opinion is in total opposition: I think it’s the worst.
March 17th, 2008 at 3:22 am
that’s the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard. don’t fucking get emotional on me. i don’t know what makes you think this and if it’s because you miss me, that’s fine. but i’d rather reminisce about you throwing my pizza onto the floor than saying stupid shit like IT WAS THE WORST, because you know it wasn’t. the biggest proof of that is we both set out to be writers and i still steal your phrasings and yet have failed to produce a sustained narrative of over 10 thousand words whereas you shit out novels and it’s only a matter of time before you become the next sensitive yet profane embodiment of the plaintive american in his neo-natal nativity.
i don’t know what makes you think i don’t miss you too. i do, and i do so every day. but instead of thinking about the glories of years past, i look forward to escapades of years to come, whether or not our plans come through or not. dude, we’re going to be friends for the rest of our lives. i think we both know that we’re doomed to that. and that’s good, that’s the apotheosis of friendship and a state to be desired. but that doesn’t mean that we need to start ascribing qualities to each other that don’t exist.
in fact, it sometimes offends me because your saying that the column you wrote was the worst is like that old internet rant on clark kent being superman’s commentary on humanity, where he perceived humanity as weak, slow and all that else. are you lie bot and i philippe?
March 17th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Whoa there cowboy,
Either I wrote poorly or you read poorly, inferring mucho +++taka+++ that ain’t righly there. How can you say such things! I put a heart after your full name! Hath the typhoid scrambled thy brains? Shall you next post nonsense in thy blog?
Can we please keep our fights in email? As it stands, we’ve been too open about such things– and you know what your geetar-maan says, “It’s fine enough to do, but don’t admit it in public!”