Okay, I own it, so why not? Here we go– Secret Romance #48, a true relic. According to Dan Stevenson’s invaluable list of romance comics, after Secret Romance #48, the last of its series, only about ten more individual issues of any genre series were published in the US.

This does not tell the full story– Secret Romance was in fact one of several titles revived by Charlton in 1979, relying entirely on reprinted material from the company’s back catalog. All of Charlton’s on-going romance titles were canceled at the end of 1976– after that massacre, the only remaining genre title appears to have been DC’s Young Love, running a few months into 1977. To give a sense of how unfortunate things had become, the final issue of Young Love, #126, ran with cover copy that read, “Was Distance The Only Thing That Kept Alive The C.B. [radio] Romance?”

Secret Romance #48 reprints, in its entirety, For Lovers Only #87, cover date November 1976, one of the last individual issues before Charlton’s mass cancellation. This makes SR #48 a double oddity– one of the last romance comics published in the US which itself reprints another of the very last romance comics. It is the real rough stuff– the burning decadence of a genre beyond concern or care, multiplied by two.

I snagged my copy for $1 at the Los Angeles Comic Book and SciFi Convention, a place that scientific consensus has determined as the exact, bi-monthly spot where nostalgia dies a protracted, agony-wracked death. Occurring regularly in the historic Shriner Auditorium, one must arrive on foot, like a pilgrim, to gain understanding. Words fail. There is something exactly right about finding one of the last miserable efforts of a failed genre amongst the tables of mid-1990s comics (all Liefield, all McFarlane, all Ghost Rider, all the time!) and the countless boxes of action figures missing limbs.

Anyhoo, here’s the cover:

This art is actually pretty great, which is why I bought the issue. Unbeknownst to me, the FWB cover attribution is for Frank Bolle.

I scanned the story, “Be Proud, My Love!,” which is almost entirely incoherent. A model gives up being a model and goes back to the farm, where her dad has taken on his secret partner as a farmhand, and the model is constantly being made fun of for being “plain,” whilst the farmhand turns out a rogue academic pulling a Bob Dylan and fetishizing farmlife, who is also capable of beating up two locals while on his quest for meaning. Just like John Berryman! Somehow this ends up with the model becoming a model again on her wedding, which she’s kept secret from the farmhand. I think. She also invited the paparazzi. Just like Samantha Ronson!

Watch a genre die:

Next up is a one-pager– again, it’s totally incoherent. How bad did things get in the romance genre? This is a ONE PAGE story titled, “Cindy’s First Date” about a girl named Elaine. And this is a reprint.

Visually, it’s the best thing in the issue. One of the things about Charlton, particularly in later days, is that their increasingly decaying printing press seriously affected the art– I suspect if we could see the color mark-up of “Cindy’s First Date,” it’d be gorgeous. As it stands, we salute it for transcending its surroundings, and also for giving us this:

Seriously, if I’d gone to a normal high school with dances, instead of a colony for misfits, drug addicts and art kids, and the girls wore outfits like that, standing in front of Chinese Lanterns like that, then good lawd almighty, I’d of gone to Junior Prom. Here’s the full page:

Please find below the first page of the cover story, “The Art of Romance.” Clearly, this was drawn by an artist other than Bolle. It’s incredibly, incredibly ugly.

That’s it. Show’s over. No place to go from here.